piddiddle, piddaddle

Crossposted at insanemonade.

Characters:

LS – Little Sis
BS – Big Sis

Living room of a Brooklyn apartment. Like way out there Brooklyn. Like Bay Ridge or something. So you know, more space than normal.

BS is folding laundry on the couch. She is listening to the radio. The house is that “messy organized” that 20-somethings do. Or at least I do.

LS bursts through the door and lets it slam behind her.

LS

Oh my god, BS, I cannot believe what just happened. I just had probably the most amazing experience of my life. I don’t know what made me do it, but ahhh I’m so glad I did… I just… Oh my god, it was so fucking amazing. Amazing.

BS

(bored) What did you do?

LS

Do you want to know?

BS

Yes.

LS

Do you really?

BS

Yes.

LS

You aren’t just humoring me?

BS

No.

LS

Okay. … Ask me once more. With feeling.

BS

(fake smile, still bored) What did you do?

LS

I masturbated on the subway.

BS

(not so bored) You…

LS

I masturbated on the subway! During rush hour! I feel so free, so unconquerable. You know? Nobody even noticed! I mean, I know NYers are self-centered and jaded, but really I expected someone to think something was off and, you know, ruin the moment. But no one did. I just masturbated right there on the subway and totally got away with it! How fucking awesome is that? That was seriously the best commute I’ve had since I moved here. So relaxing. I think I’m going to do it again tomorrow. And you know what else? Towards the end, I’m pretty sure I saw god. Yeah. Oh my god!!! I can’t believe I did it! I’m so alive right now. I want to run a marathon or leap off a building! Oh. I’m definitely doing it tomorrow. Definitely. Maybe both ways. That way I’ll be nice and energetic [for work].

BS

You can’t masturbate on the subway!

LS

… Yes, I can.

BS

No. You can’t.

LS

Yes. I can. I just did.

BS

Well, you can’t do it again.

LS

Yes. I. Can. And you can’t stop me.

BS

Are you fucking insane?! Only crazy people and assholes do shit like that.

LS

And what does that make you?

BS

I do not masturbate on the subway! I wouldn’t even think of masturbating on the subway. How does someone even come up with something like that?

LS

I forgot my book.

BS

I … don’t even know what to say to that.

LS

Seriously, BS, I think you are making way too big a deal of this. I just closed my eyes and got to it. It was easy. No one got hurt. No one saw. And I had a great time. You know, I came straight home to tell you, because I thought you’d be happy for me.

BS

Really?

LS

You’re the one always going on and on and on and on and on about how masturbation is good for the soul. How it can clear out a lot of tension and stress.

BS

Yeah, but I never said you should [do it in public.]

LS

If you aren’t going to be happy for me, fine! She pulls out her mobile and hits a speed dial.

BS

Who are you calling?

LS

Mom? Throughout the call, BS tries to take the phone away from LS.
It’s me. Is Dad there? Yeah? Can you put me on speaker? BS, stop it!
Mom, Dad, I had the most amazing experience today. … I masturbated on the subway, and I’m pretty sure I saw god. Now, I know you think stuff like this is weird. But you always said you wanted me to be happy, and this made me extremely happy. Are you happy for me? …. Well? Good. Thank you. I’m glad to know that some people care about my personal happiness. Well, that’s all I wanted to tell you. Yeah, we’ll still talk this weekend. Love you. And BS sends her love too. Yes, I’ll tell her to call. Love you. Bye!
See? Not so big a deal, is it? You need to calm down.

BS

I can’t believe you just told our parents that you masturbated in public.

LS

Well, I did. Get over it. You know, you really should trust them more, tell them more about your life. You’d have a better, more open relationship with them the way I do.

BS

I am not calling our parents every time I masturbate somewhere new.

LS

Okay. But really you should call them more. They’d feel better. You’d feel better. You’d probably save yourself some hours in therapy.

BS

I … I can’t deal with you right now.

LS

You looked stressed.

BS

I am a little.

LS

Where’re you going?

BS

To my room.

LS

Are you going to masturbate?

BS

No. I am going to go to my room, lock you out, and meditate until I’m sure that this whole episode is a very, very, very distant memory. Like I don’t even want to remember [that you were ever born.]

LS

Meditate.

BS

Yes.

LS

... Oh my god what did I just tell our parents?!!!

BLACKOUT

GISG: Coffee Edition

The Search:

caffeine withdrawal barbie

The Image:

That pretty much describes my state of mind right now. Both the search and the image.

Google Image Search TKO!

The Search:

punch this out failry easily [sic]

The Image:

Who wouldn't want that scarf?!

An international urban career – at home

When I made the career transition away from stage management and towards something new, the first kind of graduate degree program that caught my eye had to do with International Affairs. You see, I’ve always had an affinity for languages and travel – took French from 7th grade into college, almost 1 year of HS Japanese, some Italian lessons before working in Italy for a month, fortunate enough to have a grandmother take me to Europe and a family support my semester abroad in Paris. I always wanted to work for Cirque du Soleil, where I could use my language skills and interact with an international group of people. I fell in love with Barcelona and still feel I could live there.

My month at the Festival dei Due Mondi in Spoleto was one of the most challenging and rewarding of my stage management career – juggling my way along with an American cast, orchestra, designers and maestro with an Italian stage crew, Japanese assistant stage manager, and German production manager. Somehow, my very few meetings with Paolo (my Italian tutor) and my residual French enabled me to win an argument with the Italian tech director, who only spoke Italian. I think I get this language thing from my grandfather, a doctor who spoke 5 or 6 of them.

But at 28 and looking at graduate programs in International Affairs, I felt there were challenges involved I couldn’t face. First of all, I felt too old to really revamp the French and/or pick up another language in time to apply for the programs. The bigger reason, however, was that as a very happily married woman, I couldn’t imagine embarking on a career path that would inevitably take me away from him and from home. He’s away on business enough as it is, I didn’t want to add to those stresses. Of course, this set off alarms of, “Don’t limit yourself for him” and the like… but really, I was limiting myself for me. For us. This whole marriage thing, though certainly not the only answer, suits me really well and provides a stability and happiness I didn’t want to mess with. To me, claiming my happiness and protecting it was not anti-feminist, it was pro-me.

So what to do instead? I settled on a degree in Urban Public Policy, and am really enjoying the coursework. I’m still not sure where I’ll land, and am leaving myself open to the many ideas and opportunities that float my way. This weekend, while researching a paper, a huge bright light bulb idea came floating through those open doors – I can have an ‘international’ career… without leaving the US!

This semester I’ve been auditing intensive introductory Spanish. Thankfully I have an excellent teacher. The four-hour stretches on Saturdays are grueling, but it’s going well and pretty easily. I looked at the further Spanish offerings at my U., and there’s an intensive intermediate, followed by 2 more classes. And that’s it. I could be done with that by the time I graduate – very hopeful news. So a new, more useful language in US urban settings, check.

For the paper, I’m researching immigrant entrepreneurs in NYC. Reading about this, about how many immigrants don’t establish relationships with banks and don’t have access to credit needed to start a business because of lack of access, lack of cultural/language connections, or distrust of the government and financial institutions – and how there are some new microcredit and microfinance organizations operating in NYC and across the US – enter light bulb – I could do that! Microfinance, a hot “international development” topic, turns out, is not just for other countries – it can work in the US too! Economics has been an interesting field since taking my first ever econ course last semester (and, well, it’s in the news a bit these days, you know) … so I’m still floating on this new idea, a way to focus my efforts in fields I enjoy: economics, language, policy, urban poverty. I can be that person who finds new ways to build capacity for microcredit in NYC (where demand is outstripping supply). I can help make the programs that teach financial skills to immigrant entrepreneurs. I can bridge the gaps between establishment institutions and the populations they aren’t reaching.

And if we wind up moving to LA, the Spanish will serve me well there too.

Of course, I might very well change my mind about what I want to do 18 times before graduating, but it’s nice to have these moments of clarity and inspiration.

Google Image Search Game

When I need to amuse myself at work (and I'm not reading blogs and such), I take snippets of co-worker emails and do a Google Image search and pick out the best one and reply to their email with it (obvs this is only for the initiated).

This is my favorite image when you search:
I just ate one; they are terrible. No one eat one . . . . . . I will handle their disposal.